It exists. It's real. When I thought about going to Disney I said so many times "I'm not going to want to come back to this frozen hell. I am going to extend my program and stay." When I got to Disney after the initial magic wore off all I could say was "I can't wait to go home." Now we are nearing the end of my program, where at this point I have or had said hundreds of times 'I can't wait to go home.' something had changed though. I quickly found myself saying 'I'm not ready to go home."
I struggled a lot in this program, and a lot of people were betting against me saying I would give up and come home. I wanted too, so I guess you guys were right there. But I didn't. I didn't give up, I dealt with the crap hand I had been dealt there and lived with it. My program started getting really REALLY good towards the end. I had finally started coming into my own.
As silly as it sounds it's because I started living for me there, and not caring who my choices effected unless they effected me. It's something I had never done before, I've always looked out for everyone around me and something broke in my one day and I said no. No, I wasn't going to be the only one cleaning the apartment. No, I wasn't going to lose sleep because everyone else wanted to stay up all night with their friends. No, I wasn't going to share what little food I had with everyone because they were wasting their money on stupid things. I was done.
When I finally realized I had to live for me, my program took a turn for the better, and I remembered why I was there. Then in the blink of an eye it was coming to end. Soon it would be over, and I would have to go back to living my old life in the snowy north. I think that scared me. Coming home, going back to the way everything was, or maybe it didn't and I just wasn't ready to give up the life I made for myself there.
Still, I was really excited to come home and to see my family, friends, and pets. I just finished unpacked two days ago, and I have been home for six days. I was in good spirits all day the first day I was home I unpacked some, went to visit some people, and cleaned my rooms. Day two: I didn't want to get out of my bed, I was content with not moving.
I was thinking about all the things I could be doing if it was my day off back in WDW, and it killed me. Because I can't just wake up and say "I'm going to Magic Kingdom today." It broke my heart. Those parks were where I would go by myself to clear my head and just escape, because I couldn't go anywhere else. Where do I escape to here? A snowbank ?
I miss everything about Florida. But I couldn't have stayed, I needed to come home it was time. I can go back, someday. I probably will go back, just not right now. I need some time to reinvent myself, and figure out what I want to do with my life. Suggestions are accepted.
Article on PDCPD
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