My last week

Okay, so I got so busy my last week with the crazy shifts I was working and trying to pack that I didn't get to do what I had planned. So now, almost two weeks later I am writing my 'my last week' post. I did however manage to get my 'It's over post' up there so check it out ( It's over.  ). 

My mood the last week of the program varied from: crying so hard I couldn't breathe- to- having a mental break down- to - laughing so hard I couldn't breathe-to- not speaking. 

I was kind of a hot mess that last week, I gave several people several reasons not to like me, because the stress really had gotten to me. 

(real life photo of me. ) 

I was a mess of emotions, it didn't help that I was getting up at 3a.m. every day, and not getting to sleep until 10 or 11 every night. I was burn out and it was showing. 

The night before I moved out of the apartment was the worst. I cried a lot, almost non-stop because I knew I'd be leaving all my friends the next day to go to All-Star Music to meet up with my family. I was so confused, I was so upset, and so excited in the same breath and it didn't make any sense. 

 When it came to actually leaving my apartment my hardest goodbye was to Ashley. Of course, we had been the closest all program, leaving was no joke. But when I actually walked out of the apartment and left this is how I felt. 

I didn't actually pack anything correctly until I met up with my mom at the resort because she had my other suitcase. So I just kind of shoved everything in the suitcases and said see ya. 

Then when I got to the resort after a failed attempt at surprising my mom I was like this for a long time that night: 

there's going to be a different blog on my family's trip soon! 

PDCPD

PDCPD more commonly known as: Post Disney College Program Depression.

It exists. It's real. When I thought about going to Disney I said so many times "I'm not going to want to come back to this frozen hell. I am going to extend my program and stay." When I got to Disney after the initial magic wore off all I could say was "I can't wait to go home." Now we are nearing the end of my program, where at this point I have or had said hundreds of times 'I can't wait to go home.' something had changed though. I quickly found myself saying 'I'm not ready to go home." 

I struggled a lot in this program, and a lot of people were betting against me saying I would give up and come home. I wanted too, so I guess you guys were right there. But I didn't. I didn't give up, I dealt with the crap hand I had been dealt there and lived with it. My program started getting really REALLY good towards the end. I had finally started coming into my own. 

As silly as it sounds it's because I started living for me there, and not caring who my choices effected unless they effected me. It's something I had never done before, I've always looked out for everyone around me and something broke in my one day and I said no. No, I wasn't going to be the only one cleaning the apartment. No, I wasn't going to lose sleep because everyone else wanted to stay up all night with their friends. No, I wasn't going to share what little food I had with everyone because they were wasting their money on stupid things. I was done. 
When I finally realized I had to live for me, my program took a turn for the better, and I remembered why I was there. Then in the blink of an eye it was coming to end. Soon it would be over, and I would have to go back to living my old life in the snowy north. I think that scared me. Coming home, going back to the way everything was, or maybe it didn't and I just wasn't ready to give up the life I made for myself there. 

Still, I was really excited to come home and to see my family, friends, and pets. I just finished unpacked two days ago, and I have been home for six days. I was in good spirits all day the first day I was home I unpacked some, went to visit some people, and cleaned my rooms. Day two: I didn't want to get out of my bed, I was content with not moving. 
I was thinking about all the things I could be doing if it was my day off back in WDW, and it killed me. Because I can't just wake up and say "I'm going to Magic Kingdom today." It broke my heart. Those parks were where I would go by myself to clear my head and just escape, because I couldn't go anywhere else. Where do I escape to here? A snowbank ? 

I miss everything about Florida. But I couldn't have stayed, I needed to come home it was time. I can go back, someday. I probably will go back, just not right now. I need some time to reinvent myself, and figure out what I want to do with my life. Suggestions are accepted. 

Article on PDCPD

Post Disney: First week home.

Well, I'm sure some people would be over joyed if I said I was enjoying my first week at home. Don't get me wrong, I am plenty happy to be back in New York, although I do wish it wasn't during the coldest part of the year...Actually, I don't even mind the cold (I just don't like to be cold), I mind the snow. If there was no snow on the ground I would be ecstatic to be home.

None the less, I am happy to be out of Orlando for the time being. I thought people asked me a lot while I was down there if I would ever come back, or why I wasn't staying...but here, here every person I have seen since I've been home has asked me why I didn't stay in Orlando, or when I was going back. Geez, I haven't even been home a full week.
I can honestly tell you this much though, I am literally heart broken by how much I miss all my friends that I made throughout the program.

Don't ever do this Disney College Program: It's a trick to bring to this point of no return where you will make friends so quickly and get close to fast then in a few months they will rip you apart as you get ready to go home. It's the most heartbreaking thing I have ever done in my entire life.

Alright, so like I said I am now back in New York, and I start back at my normal job in just a couple of days. I'm getting back into the swing of things, driving around, and of course getting used to the cold and the snow.
Since I left I have noticed a few things about myself:
*I missed my bed more than anything else in the entire world, or so it seems right now.
*None of my winter clothes fit me right
*I still remember how to drive in the snow.

My worst fear was realized as my dog ran to greet everyone else and had no idea who I was so stood barking at me and avoiding me for a good 10 minutes, he however was really excited to see me when he finally realized who I was.

I will be doing a blog on my final week in the program, and my family's trip to Disney World too! Although I didn't film anything at all during those times, too much going on, so I will limit it to photos on here.

It's over...

I'll look back at this and smile because 

it was LIFE and I decided to Live it.

Side-note: I should be packing the rest of my stuff right now, but my roommate is still asleep....so later.

Wow, so my Disney College Program is officially completed. I have clocked out for the last time...I turn in all my costumes tonight, and move out of my apartment as well. 

I'm not going to lie though, this is really bittersweet...because as much as I begged and pleaded to leave this program....when it finally started to get good, it got really good. I am so attached to so many people I have met down here and I honestly don't know what I would have done without them. 

I am so proud that I can say I made a choice to apply for the program, got accepted, and on a whim picked up my life in New York and moved it to Florida for 8 months. Not a lot of people would do that alone, a lot of the people down here had friends that were coming or family that lives close...so they weren't alone. 

But I was alone. It was a huge change for me. 

My leader asked me today "Are you coming back?" I could have answered that three different ways three different times: 

Before the program started: I am going to extend, then go back to school, then reapply. 

During my program: No way in hell. Not as part-time, not as full-time, and never as a cp again.

Now: Maybe as part time or full time, but I wouldn't ever do the college program again. I worked to damn hard to get treated the way I did by the full timers because they looked down on me. Because I wasn't 'going to be here long' they treated me like they already knew I wouldn't care about this program. They were wrong. I love this program, I loved my leaders, and a lot of my fellow cast members too. 

The lesson? You cannot judge me just because you think I am young and naive. I am very much capable of proving you wrong,

Tonight, my mom gets here! as well at my sister, step dad, and best friend. I get to show them the world I have been living in for the past 8 months, and I am so excited to be able to share this magic with them!